It occurred to me that I have allowed this month to slip by without even mentioning on the blog created because of adoption...about adoption! There would be nothing exciting in my life to fill the cyber pages of a blog if it wasn't for a birth mother who wanted the best for her baby, a woman who longed for a baby of her own and a friend who connected the two together. I won't go into the story as that is already available for reading in 'My Journey to Motherhood'. But I will tell again how blessed we were to work with such a wonderful birth mother as Liam had. Though I did not allow myself to get too excited until the month before he was born...always waiting for the door to slam shut. She didn't once give me cause for concern. She knew her mind and was determined to give her baby boy to a couple who could offer him more than she could.
Our adoption couldn't have been easier...well....it could have as far as the attorney went. We managed to find one that didn't like to do his own leg work so we were forced to do a lot of that on our own. There was also a lot of paperwork. And convincing doctors that at our advanced age and with one or two health issues we could successfully raise a little person. We do question our sanity on that one from time to time. But the process was relatively painless, went quite quickly from start to finish and the results were a miraculous answer from God! I can't imagine what the birth mother went through as the nurse whisked her newborn baby out of the delivery room and she knew she was never going to see him again. That had to have broken her heart. I know I would not be brave enough or selfless enough to do it! And I believe it was selfless on her part. She did not give up her baby so her life would be easier. She could have aborted him and achieved that end. No. She loved her baby enough to quit smoking the minute she suspected she was pregnant. She followed every doctor order so her baby could be as healthy as possible. And she talked about the day when she could find the right man, get married and have babies of her own. Ones that she could keep and raise. Yes, she loved her little boy so much, enough to give him to someone else. You know that saying 'what would Jesus do?' Well...many times over the years I have caught myself...usually when I am at wits end with Liam....thinking 'what would (his birth mother) think'. I want to make sure that she never regrets her decision to trust us with her precious baby.
I know the time is approaching when Liam will ask questions...pointed questions. So far he has commented once on the difference in our skin color. "Mommy, my skin is more brown than yours". Next time it will by "mommy why is my skin more brown than yours?' He has once mentioned 'when I was in your tummy'.....My friend who was with us was able to quickly and smoothly change the subject when she saw the stunned look on my face. I was totally not ready for that. Just today he asked me to get him a brother in my tummy. 'no mommy, three brothers' he said. I told him that it was hard for mommy to get babies in her tummy...if it was easy he would have lots of brothers. To which he responded 'but you only had one Liam in your tummy." It was a statement not a question so I was off the hook there.
Our adoption couldn't have been easier...well....it could have as far as the attorney went. We managed to find one that didn't like to do his own leg work so we were forced to do a lot of that on our own. There was also a lot of paperwork. And convincing doctors that at our advanced age and with one or two health issues we could successfully raise a little person. We do question our sanity on that one from time to time. But the process was relatively painless, went quite quickly from start to finish and the results were a miraculous answer from God! I can't imagine what the birth mother went through as the nurse whisked her newborn baby out of the delivery room and she knew she was never going to see him again. That had to have broken her heart. I know I would not be brave enough or selfless enough to do it! And I believe it was selfless on her part. She did not give up her baby so her life would be easier. She could have aborted him and achieved that end. No. She loved her baby enough to quit smoking the minute she suspected she was pregnant. She followed every doctor order so her baby could be as healthy as possible. And she talked about the day when she could find the right man, get married and have babies of her own. Ones that she could keep and raise. Yes, she loved her little boy so much, enough to give him to someone else. You know that saying 'what would Jesus do?' Well...many times over the years I have caught myself...usually when I am at wits end with Liam....thinking 'what would (his birth mother) think'. I want to make sure that she never regrets her decision to trust us with her precious baby.
I know the time is approaching when Liam will ask questions...pointed questions. So far he has commented once on the difference in our skin color. "Mommy, my skin is more brown than yours". Next time it will by "mommy why is my skin more brown than yours?' He has once mentioned 'when I was in your tummy'.....My friend who was with us was able to quickly and smoothly change the subject when she saw the stunned look on my face. I was totally not ready for that. Just today he asked me to get him a brother in my tummy. 'no mommy, three brothers' he said. I told him that it was hard for mommy to get babies in her tummy...if it was easy he would have lots of brothers. To which he responded 'but you only had one Liam in your tummy." It was a statement not a question so I was off the hook there.
This is how I will explain it to Liam. That he grew in my heart. And unlike many adoptive moms I can say that with certainty like no other. I knew Liam when he was only at two months gestation. So he literally grew in my heart. It will not be an easy conversation for me. I have ungrounded fears that he will push me away. Become angry, and then as soon as he is able, search for his birth mother. It is selfish of me to hope he never asks questions and is never interested in anything beyond Craig and me. But I do none the less. I couldn't imagine loving my own birth child any more than I love him. And I don't have the 29 hours of agonizing labor pains to cloud my opinion.:) I always point that out in a group of women discussing their experiences.
God chose adoption as my pathway to motherhood and he chose me to be the mother of only one. God chose Liam to be my child and He orchestrated the timing of Liam's arrival. Not when I was in my 20's. But when I was approaching 50. Makes no sense to me but then God is sovereign and it is not for me to question. It is for me to be thankful and raise a little boy to be a godly man and a soldier of the cross!
God chose adoption as my pathway to motherhood and he chose me to be the mother of only one. God chose Liam to be my child and He orchestrated the timing of Liam's arrival. Not when I was in my 20's. But when I was approaching 50. Makes no sense to me but then God is sovereign and it is not for me to question. It is for me to be thankful and raise a little boy to be a godly man and a soldier of the cross!
I love our adoption story! I love thinking back and seeing God's hand move in every area of it! There is no question that God ordained this from the beginning. And I am so thankful!!
I will wrap up the month of November with a Liamism from August. Liam loves to hang out the window. Well..not literally hang...but he does push against the screen more than I feel comfortable with. On this particular night he was up in his room when a group of kids rode by on their bikes hollering back and forth. One of them yelled "what are you doing". I am assuming it was to someone riding with him. Liam hollered back "I'm getting ready for bed. It is my bed time!' This is not the first time he has done this. He used to hang out the upstairs window facing the front of the house and call out to people telling them he loved them. The neighbor lady across the street still has that sweet memory.
My motherhood journey beckons me in the form of a nose needing a tissue so until next time....good night.
I will wrap up the month of November with a Liamism from August. Liam loves to hang out the window. Well..not literally hang...but he does push against the screen more than I feel comfortable with. On this particular night he was up in his room when a group of kids rode by on their bikes hollering back and forth. One of them yelled "what are you doing". I am assuming it was to someone riding with him. Liam hollered back "I'm getting ready for bed. It is my bed time!' This is not the first time he has done this. He used to hang out the upstairs window facing the front of the house and call out to people telling them he loved them. The neighbor lady across the street still has that sweet memory.
My motherhood journey beckons me in the form of a nose needing a tissue so until next time....good night.